stressed

why am i still here? why do i still feel so awake, even after reading the whole of eight days magazine?

woke up earlier than usual today. took bus 74 all the way to singapore polytechnic. i thought that it was going to be fun and exciting, but it turned out that the school was kind of boring. it was too organised. too 'neat'. compared to temesek, which i visited on friday, singapore poly was, perhaps, too quiet. too dead. although i didnt have the same feeling as when i visited temesek poly, in fact, i had a much better feeling in singapore poly than in temesek poly, i would rather not enter both schools. temesek is more interactive, but a bit to outgoing(which is not really me, sad to say). whereas singapore poly was organised and neat, but too 'stern' and i dont feel like it's a school i'm entering, but a office. sighs. if only there was a school that could meet up to both good conditions i stated above. then, i will definitely enter that poly.

after singapore poly, headed to nanyang poly(the nearest poly from my house). one thing that i dont really like about nanyang poly is that it's near my sister's school(anderson jc). i just dont like it. heh, i know it's just me, but i have my reason. anyway, other than that, the school is quite entertaining. although the school is also quite big, but the best i can say about it is that, they are VERY GENEROUS. just from that school alone, each of us got two bags of free souvineirs(whatever you call it. just things that are given out freely). i tell you, i happen to be the lucky/unlucky one to receive a extra chinese magazine in my bag. sighs. to me it isnt a good thing, it definitely adds on to the already heavy bag i'm carrying. so, for the whole tour through the courses, i have been struggling with my heavy sling bag, plus two heavy plastic bags. sighs. there is where i got my free eight days magazine, as well as two i weekly. i dont really read them, just scan through the pictures in it. oh..i have something to comment. why is it that they gave us overdue discounts? as in, those discount coupons in the 'goodie' bag, the valid date is already over. sighs. so, it's not applicable anymore. what's the point man?!

in nanyang poly, we happen to be able to catch olinda cho and slyvester sim from the singapore idol, singing on stage. and, i think i was captured on tv(i hope i'm not). i forgot to watch channel newsasia! arh! ok, whatever. also, we saw people, teens and children, dancing hiphop. heh. i could have just stand down there until they finish all the dancing. i like to see people dancing(properly, of course. not the free-dancing kind). the group of kids dancing on stage was really quite entertaining. they were all great dancers. cheers to them.

it's only 12.38am. and, i'm still feeling awake. how...?

i think i'm going to get a headache considering which course i will take if i enter poly. of course, not even forgetting whether i want to enter jc or poly. this alone is enough to cause me a serious headache for at least a week! then, no matter which school i choose, i will have to rack my brain to choose which subject combination or course i will like to take up. so, this is really one stressful starting of the year 2006. not to mention the day of the o level results. if i get 25 points and above, i will probably faint on the spot. then, i can just kiss goodbye to jc and poly, and i dont have to think so much, because i am on my way to ite. sighs. i really hope i can have the best results i ever have throughout my whole studying life shown in the o level results.

hmm. since i have all the time now, might as well list down what i am frustrating about. whether i should choose to enter jc or poly.

if i enter a jc..

what/why i like about it:
1. transport fees will be soo much cheaper
2. i get to wear a school uniform(i like wearing it)
3. i feel the school spirit! being united as one. having a class of our own.
4. going for cca(s)! so fun.

what/why i dont like about it:
1. memorising the facts and information from textbooks or notes(i really suck at this)
2. having common tests every other week
3. dont have much hands-on activites
4. not very interesting, compared to the courses poly(s) are offering
5. taking the A levels at the end of the second year(this is the thing i hate most!)

if i enter a poly..

what/why i like about it:
1. more flexible. in terms of the free time i can have.
2. the courses are interesting and fun. get to have lots of hands-on activities
3. dont have a lot of written tests or exams
4. (i feel) i will be more welcome. at least the people enter poly at the same time as me, that means they are also new, like me. unlike if i enter a jc after the o level results. people will be wondering why didnt i get in for the first three months(this is how i think).

what/why i dont like about it:
1. transport fees are TOO EXPENSIVE!(it's a killer. i will probably be broke every single day)
2. it's as if i'm entering the stressful working life now.
3. i dont feel that i'm matured enough
4. i dont really like the idea of wearing any clothes i like(i dont have a wide variety of clothes to choose from everyday)
5. not much unity spirit. no cca to attend.

so, now i'm really stressed out. i dont know what to choose. discussing this to my parents or sisters are a waste of time, because they will just repeat the same advice to me, which i myself know it very clearly. also, they are not me, they dont know how i'm feeling, what i think about certain things, and they dont really care. they will probably just say the typical thing. " if you qualify for jc, go for jc. if not, just enter poly." have they ever thought that i have a choice to choose? that i have my reasons why i cant choose immediately between a jc and a poly? it's peanuts for them to answer my questions, but actually, they are not clearing my doubts at all. so no point actually asking about their views. so, i'm left alone, to think of what i want to become. sighs. this is really killing me slowly and silently.