lonely

stupid, i hate today
its such a crappy day
first things first, i know that today my mother as well as my two other sisters will be going off to china
leaving me here with my father & the maid
this already make me very lonely already
still, i got to wake up early in the morning at 7.15am to go to sch for chem
& i din even want to go to sch
keep on see her is just making me sick
anyway, after chem, was maths
oh man, maths was really boring & tiring
&, so unlucky, my register number was called
damn it, i dont even know what is she talking abt,
thank goodness, there's still some kind souls in my class who are willing to help me
they told me the answer, all of them, & i just repeat after them
after maths was another period of chem
it was still very boring, but at least i knew what she was talking abt
after that, finally, we moved on to collecting report bks
& go off to the learning journey at jurong island
it was quite interesting, saw things that i never seen before
(only on pictures & television)
& by going through this whole day
i realised many things
people who has no conscience loves teasing people
i mean, when u have someone as ur "leader"
u get to become somewhat "powerful"
one of them is atb, she's just such a a******
the more i see her, the more i hope someday she would just learn the same lesson
she showed off her ----, & offered people
then when it comes to me, she was like shouting
"you want anot?! keep on looking?!" something liddat
(at least that's what i heard from her)
& of course, i would say no
in the first place, i din really like her
the way she does things & her haughty attitude she treats towards ppl who are "weaker"
that just pissed me off
why in the world will i ever what something she own?!
over my dead body man!
of course, i said with a laugh, as i am in sch, "no"
but who knows the true me?
haha...no one knows that, & i dont intend to show it to anyone in the moment
at least until i leave this sch
cos i really got no one to trust, so far
my friends can say i'm mean or what
but its not that i dont trust them, but they just do things that gives me the clue/idea that i cant trust them at all
not even a single bit
they cant even do things that dont annoy ppl
of course i'm really grateful & thankful that i have really good friends
but sometimes the things they do can make me feel like...slapping them
ok, continue on with my day
in jurong island, inside the gallery, we were supposed to take the lift up & down
going up was not that bad(btw, we got to split into 2-3 grps)
the going down was just annoying
i think went to the wrong place
i din intend to go in the same lift with her & her bunch of annoying, irritating, inconsiderate, senseless, black-hearted friends
but somehow, i was too tired & i wanted to reach the bus as soon as possible
so she & her friends were there
they wanted to go to the second level, for what?!?!
so when the second level came, some idiot just push me out, thinking that i'm the "weakest" there
& they all started laughing
i would really want to ask why are they laughing
in the first place, why did they do that?
is it very thrilling to do such things
& what for start showing kindness after doing such insensitive things to someone?
WHAT THE ---- THEY DO THAT FOR?
its useless! its like slapping someone on the face & saying sorry?
is that of any use?!
use their bloody brains lah
anyway, as usual, i smiled to them & din say a word
but i know, in my heart, what i really want to say & do
i just feel that they are so inconsiderate
i mean, do they actually have a heart?
especially her?! all she knows is use her BIG mouth to gossip & talk big
what else does she know? show off her wealth? her "generousity"
yea right! my foot!
anyway, came home, had a early dinner, cos i got english tuition at 6
as long as i came home, i felt that cold-ness in my house
the emptiness that surrounds the entire house
although big, but empty, lifeless
all i can talk to will be my father & no one else
talking to the maid wont do me any good, or to her
even though i dont express it, i am really lonely
& from the 2nd-8th of june, my life would be like a paper boat floating on the sea
no aim, no sense of direction, & eventually, sink into the water
i hate this crap, this terrible class of mine
although no one realises it, i am really pissed off by alot of ppl there
especially atb, whether she likes it or not
the impression of her just went down by another 10 pts
sometimes i just wonder why does such ppl survive in this world
i wish they will all be sent to a place, were they can taste what they did to other ppl
& by that time, they will know when to stop